How to Deal with Grief and Loss

Grief doesn’t visit only when someone dies.

It also appears when we lose a job we loved, a friendship we thought would last forever, an opportunity that slipped away, or a dream we worked hard for that didn’t come true.

Loss in all its forms shakes the foundation of who we are. It can leave us feeling empty, angry, or directionless. But understanding grief is the first step toward healing.

At the Susan Gitau Counselling Foundation, we believe that grief counseling isn’t just about mourning death — it’s about helping people rebuild their lives after any kind of loss that changes them.

Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural emotional response to losing someone or something deeply meaningful.
It is love with nowhere to go — and it can affect your body, mind, and spirit.

Many people think grief has a time limit or a “right” way to be expressed, but it doesn’t.
Everyone’s journey is unique. Whether you’re grieving the end of a relationship, financial loss, or an unrealized dream, the process of emotional healing often follows similar patterns.

The Five Stages of Grief

Psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief to explain how people experience and process loss.
These stages don’t always happen in order — you may move back and forth between them — but understanding them helps make sense of your emotions.

1. Denial – “This can’t be happening.”

In this stage, your mind protects you from the full weight of the loss. You might feel numb, in shock, or disconnected from reality.
It’s your brain’s way of saying, “Let’s take this slowly.”

Allow yourself to sit with disbelief. This pause gives your mind time to catch up with your heart.

2. Anger – “Why me?”

Anger is often a mask for pain. You might feel furious at yourself, others, or even God — and that’s okay.
Anger is a sign you’re beginning to face your emotions.

Channel your anger into healthy outlets like exercise, journaling, or talking to a counselor.

3. Bargaining – “If only I had…”

This stage is filled with what-ifs and if-onlys.
You replay moments and imagine different outcomes. It’s your mind’s attempt to regain control when everything feels uncertain.

Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that regret can’t change the past, but reflection can guide your future.

4. Depression – “Everything feels heavy.”

ing – “If only I hadThis stage often brings deep sadness and hopelessness. It’s the emotional heart of grief — the point where you begin to truly understand what’s been lost.

Don’t isolate yourself. Reach out for grief support, talk to loved ones, or seek professional counseling. Healing thrives in connection.…”

5. Acceptance – “I can live with this.”

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you’ve made peace with your new reality.
You begin to rediscover joy, find meaning again, and carry your love and memories forward.

Celebrate small steps — healing is not forgetting, it’s growing through loss.

Different Kinds of Grief We Often Overlook

Grief isn’t only about death. Many people experience non-death losses that deserve the same compassion and healing.

• Career or job loss – Losing a job can shake your sense of identity and security.
• Broken relationships – The end of a friendship or romantic relationship can leave a painful void.
• Lost opportunities – Missing out on education, promotions, or dreams can cause deep regret.
• Health changes – A diagnosis or disability can bring grief for the person you used to be.
• Financial loss – Money challenges can trigger fear, shame, and a sense of instability.

Each of these losses deserves acknowledgment and understanding — your pain is valid.

How to Begin Healing from Grief

Healing takes time, but these steps can help you move forward gently and mindfully:

1. Acknowledge the loss.

Pretending everything is fine only buries pain deeper. Naming your loss gives it space to breathe and begin to heal.

2. Allow yourself to feel.

Grief is messy — tears, silence, anger, or exhaustion are all normal. Don’t rush your emotions or judge yourself.

3. Seek connection.

Talk to trusted friends or join a grief support group. Isolation only makes grief heavier to carry.

4. Practice mindfulness.

Gentle breathing, meditation, or journaling can ground your emotions and reduce anxiety during difficult moments.

5. Seek professional counseling.

At the Susan Gitau Counselling Foundation, our trauma and grief counselors use holistic approaches to help individuals heal from all kinds of loss — with compassion, confidentiality, and care.

Healing Is Not About Forgetting but Remembering with Grace

Grief may never disappear completely, but it changes shape over time.
One day, you’ll find yourself smiling again — not because the pain is gone, but because your heart has grown strong enough to hold both love and sorrow.

At the Susan Gitau Counselling Foundation, we walk beside you through every step of your grief journey.
You can find peace in what has changed and strength in what remains.

If you’re struggling with grief or loss in Kenya, reach out today.
Our counselors are here to help you find light after loss and rediscover hope.